"Should I check on him? Eh, if he's dead he's dead..." (mother in law, talking about her 12-year-old Bichon)
"What's going on in here? I smell booze..."
"If you act like you're choking on your breakfast, she won't make you go to school."
"Why does Molly lick where she pees? Why can't I do that?"
"Will I be all alone when you die? Where will I go?"
"We have new neighbors. But they're boring, they don't have kids, just dogs."
"I don't need a bath! I got in the pool!!!"
And this is the best! I was doing AR this morning in Jack's class and this little boy came up to me and said, "Hi, I'm Sam. Sam Adams. Like the beer. Are you Jackson's mom?"